Confident Communication: Becoming More Assertive

Posted: April 19, 2026

What does asking someone for help, telling another where your boundaries are, and saying "I love you" have in common? You're right, they all have to do with communication. Communication is important. It's how we convey our thoughts, feelings, and needs to others. Communication is how we tell others what we're thinking about the latest episode of that show, how we tell the Olive Garden waiter we want a lot more cheese, and how we tell our partner their candid photo of us is not the most flattering. The way we communicate with others is called a communication style.

Many communication styles outline different ways people convey information or meet their needs. Research suggests three typical modes of communication: Passive, aggressive, and assertive. An individual may use, at different times, each of these communication styles. Remember that we all lean on or use one communication style more often than the others. Assertive communication is the most effective of the three styles in most situations. Understanding each style of communication can help you identify your communication preferences and empower you to make the changes that will have a lasting and positive impact. So, let's dive in!

Passive

When using passive communication, people often avoid expressing their thoughts and opinions and prioritize the other person's needs and opinions, which can lead to uncomfortable outcomes. This communication style usually takes the form of an “I need to lose so you can win” mentality. People stuck in passive communication mode may feel taken advantage of, misunderstood, or even ignored during a conversation. Passive communicators often need help saying no, even to small or trivial requests that may not matter in five minutes.

Aggressive

When communicating aggressively, individuals often disregard the other person's feelings or needs. Aggressive communicators tend to argue more than other communication styles, undermine others' contributions to a conversation, and refuse to compromise. This communication style often takes the form of a “you need to lose so I can win” mentality. A person in aggressive communication mode may interrupt others frequently, get frustrated easily, and insist they are right. Aggressive communicators usually have difficulty compromising or letting others take the lead.

Assertive

An individual using assertive communication considers how their messages are received and the feedback they get from the people they're talking to. Assertive communicators are often the people who can balance confidence with respect. This communication style will take a win-win approach. This sort of communicator outlines their own needs and validates the needs of the other people involved. Assertive communicators are often individuals who know how to compromise effectively. Here are some ways you might improve your assertive communication skills.

If you tend to be a more passive communicator, lean into the discomfort of saying no, building up your comfort here will be critical.
Find ways to communicate your message calmly, respectfully, and clearly. If you tend to be a more aggressive communicator, you must practice managing your emotional response to feedback that you may find challenging or unwelcome.
When watching your favorite TV show, identify the characters who speak confidently and respectfully and find ways to emulate their constructive behaviors. Be sure to determine what those characters can do to improve their communication skills.
Embrace practicing assertive communication; effective communication takes time and may be uncomfortable.
Be mindful of your body language; what is your posture or eye contact telling the listener about your message?
Listen to your tone; a hushed or soft tone might convey a passive message, while a loud and harsh tone may convey an aggressive message. Assertive communicators use a firm and clear tone of voice.
Use "I" statements like: “I am feeling ignored” and “I feel grumpy right now.”
Try identifying an event or behavior and emphasize your thoughts, feelings, or reactions with statements like: “When you yell at me, I feel unsafe” or “When you leave me on read, I feel neglected.

Those are just a few ways to become a more assertive communicator. Keep in mind that it will take time to change your style of communication; improving your communication skills is a lifelong journey. These changes can be messy, so be kind to yourself as you learn and grow. Your communication habits have been with you for a long time, so remember to be patient. You can improve your communication skills no matter where you are on the path to becoming a more assertive communicator.

Resources:

Dasgupta, S. A., Suar, D., & Singh, S. (2012). Impact of managerial communication styles on employees’ attitudes and behaviours. Employee Relations, 35(2), 173-199.
Pipas, M. D., & Jaradat, M. (2010). Assertive Communication Skills. Annales Universitatis Apulensis Series Oeconomica, 12(2), 649-656.
Samfira, E. M. (2020). Assertive communication skills in universities. Educația Plus, 26(1), 361-373.
9 Tips to Communicate More Assertively in Relationships | Psychology Today. (2023). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202210/9-tips-to-com municate-more-assertively-in-relationships
Assertive Communication Style. (2023). https://www.simplypsychology.org/assertive-communication.html
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